Convenient vs. Covenant Relationships
Relationships are a big deal! They can be cause for some of life’s biggest joys and hardest wounds. I’m sure we have all heard the title of “fair weather friend”. Sadly, we know that this is not a friend who is in it for the long haul. The well-known phrase is actually given to a person who is around for the good times, but not the hard times. Unfortunately, everyone has these types of relationships. What’s important for each of us to answer is ‘what kind of friend am I?’ Sadly, COVID has made connection with each other harder than ever. We have to fight for our relationships, and this brings up some valuable questions that we can all ask ourselves.
The State of Our Relationships
Hardship strains and tests our relationships. It’s kind of like my backpack strap that snapped under the strain of water softener bags stuffed inside it. Trying times like we are in can make our friendships either fizzle out or beautifully mature into deep and meaningful connections. Through the past year and a half some of our friends may have come and gone, and that tells us a great deal about how rooted they were. This isn’t always a bad thing because trouble can clarify who our people are, as Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” What has distance and restriction told you about your relationships? I invite us to ask the Lord to search our hearts and give us next steps in valuing the people He has asked us to care for and walk together with.
Valuing Covenant Friendships or Settling for Convenience
What has COVID shown us about the people we call friends? Have our relationships held up against the storm or are they taking on water. Is it clear which friends are really just people we see often, or connect because we like the same things? That is often the description of a relationship based on convenience. These can feel like very satisfying connections, and if that’s all you’re looking for then God bless you! However, I suspect that many of our friendships are based on convenience even when we are hungry for more. Isn’t this what we are all looking for? It’s the comrade in the foxhole, the one watching your six, and your buddy in the corner wiping the blood of your face and resetting your nose. Are these brutal images? Yes! But has our experience of life been much different? Life is hard, and there are enough trials to go around. We all need people who will be with us thick and thin, and who also trust us to be with them. All of us have friendships that are convenient and those are great! But they have also been the most negatively effected by restrictions. Where are our covenant relationships at these days?
An Example of Covenant Friendship
One of the greatest examples of covenant friendship in the Bible comes from the story of David and Jonathan. The Word of God says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1Sam 18:1). This was a dramatic connection in a situation that was very difficult. Saul, the son of the king, was covenanting with the guy who would take his father’s throne and could have had him killed in the process. Their relationship was tested again and again, yet through it all David and Jonathan remained united. Once David became king, he took in Mephibosheth, who was the crippled son of Jonathan (2 Sam 4:4-5). There was nothing convenient about the connection that David and Jonathan shared, but deep covenant friendship stayed strong even against dangerous opposition. Do we have a David or Jonathan in our lives? They are a blessing from God and worth their weight in gold!
Our Greatest Covenant Friend
The distance we need to travel for our important relationships is much further than before. Thankfully to God He has given us His Son who Himself calls His disciples’ friends! If you’re anything like me, it can be hard to feel like we can even be a faithful friend doesn’t depend on convenience. Thanks be to Jesus that even “if we are faithless, he remains faithful” (2 Tim 2:13). Our motivation to be a consistent and committed friend is found in the one who calls us His friend. In Christ and the Spirit of God we have the ability to not let restrictions keep us from showering people with the love of God in friendship. I believe the Spirit within us can give us the fortitude to make any sacrifice work for the sake of relationship; after all we are just following His lead.
A Recipe for Covenant Relationships
Having covenant relationships doesn’t have to be only for a select few or the extraverted. We are all made for deep connections with God and with others, and so we can already throw out the notion that they ‘aren’t for me’. Please read through the following ingredients we can use to have the most fulfilling relationships possible and apply one or all of them today!
First, know that not everyone is going to make a covenant friendship with you. It wasn’t David, Jonathan, Abner and Nathan; it was simply David and Jonathan. Find a person or a couple of people who are worth the investment.
Second, don’t wait for people to approach you because realistically no one is going to come and say, “Hey want to pursue a covenant friendship with me”? This is especially true among men, right? Come on, that might be the way if you never want to be close with that person or anyone they know. We can’t change others or make their decisions for them, but we can begin to operate as faithful friends ourselves.
Third, pursue covenant friendship between you and the Lord. This looks like us praying and seeking a deeper relationship with God for ourselves. As we pursue Him we learn what a covenant friendship looks like and He makes us more capable of relating to others in this way.
Lastly, pray that God would put us together with the right person or persons. He knows what we need and who would best bring out the best in them and us.
God is for you and He is for your relationships. He wants you to know the risk and reward that comes with putting ourselves out there for the sake of connection. It is our most fulfilling life, even if it is not the simplest. What He did for us is the same thing He wants to do for our relationships, to make us more like Himself to the glory of His great name. This happens as we risk for the benefit of the people around us. That is the DNA we have coursing through our veins through Christ so we can all be up to the task! Happy connecting!